How to Capture Magical Creatures

For everyone’s convenience, I have compiled the easiest and most effective methods for capturing a selection of magical creatures.

UNICORN

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Lead a female virgin into a unicorn-infested forest. Sit her down next to a tree. Wait for a unicorn to rest beside her and lay his head in her lap.

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Seize the unicorn!

DRAGON

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Hike up a mountain, following the smell of sulphur. You will soon find yourself at the mouth of a cave. Place a live cow in front of the cave. The dragon will emerge, roast the cow, and eat it. It will then fall into a food coma.

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Seize the dragon!

FAIRY

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Locate a ring of fungus, also known as a fairy ring. Place a mixture of milk and honey in the middle of the fairy ring. Wait until nightfall. The fairy will be attracted to the mixture and come out of hiding.

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Seize the fairy!

LEPRECHAUN

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Follow a rainbow to either of its ends. Locate a pot of gold. A leprechaun will be hovering around the location.

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Seize the leprechaun!

MERMAID

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Sail a ship into a secluded cove. Play a hauntingly beautiful melody on either the flute or harp. A mermaid will rise to the surface. It will then follow the sound of the music, swimming closer to the ship.

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Seize the mermaid!

Good luck on your hunting!

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An Early Career in Books

I’m currently working on a book of fairy tale-ish stories along with illustrations. It’s a bigger, long-term project, and I’ve just been sharing this snippet of the illustrations, because I want to keep the bulk of it under wraps until I have a finished product.

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However, this project got me thinking of past attempts at creating books, especially my childhood attempts. I loved to draw and write stories as a kid, and I always took so much pride in my original stories. Admittedly, a lot of my story ideas weren’t so awesome. I recall one particular assignment in school. For extra credit, we could create a new American Girl and write our very own story about her. I vividly remember thinking my book idea was so grown up and suspenseful. I even recall daydreaming that the American Girl Company might pick it up as their next historical character. Here’s a synopsis:

An American Girl named Maria comes to a new town with her family. However, they are not accepted by the townspeople and are treated cruelly. One especially awful boy is very mean to Maria. One night, Maria sleepwalks, picks up a knife, and happens to sleepwalk all the way to the mean boy’s house. She is caught standing beside his bed with the knife poised above him. Things get worse for poor Maria.

I thought I would get congratulatory feedback on my story. Instead, my teacher only wrote in red ink across it, “Do you really think this could happen?” I got credit for the work, but my writing dreams were temporarily dashed to pieces.

My books, even when I tried to make them fun-loving with cute animals, had a bit of darkness to them. I wrote a picture book entitled “Little Bear.” It starts out pretty unfortunate.

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Little Bear grows up to be Big Bear and is attacked by a wolf (which he first thought was a dog) and dies as well. Apparently, wolves win against bears. Always. That’s science.

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One of my later books gets a bit lighter. It’s called “The Fat Little Penguin.” The moral of the story can pretty much be summed up like this: If you lose weight, you’ll be happier. That little gold sticker is an award I gave the book myself, because I thought it was so good.

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Little Fat Penguin’s friend Seal kind of sucks.

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In summation, we all made pretty funny stuff when we were kids. I’m just glad my love of writing and drawing has continued. Happy drawing!

Arcades, Science!, and Photography

With cunning and finesse, I recently managed to win a vast quantity of tickets at an arcade. They were all from one game. I worked out a perfect system to win it, and I stood in front of it with a handful of quarters, collecting ticket after ticket until I had an unmanageable pile. Arms full of my winnings, I shoved my way past jealous kids whose inferior hand-eye coordination only won them a few measly tickets. One would think with all these winnings, I’d finally get one of the big prizes at the arcade, one of those prizes that are stored behind the counter because they are just too valuable to keep up front.

All those tickets, however, amounted to the value of two plastic dinosaurs and one plastic mouse.

But I was not dismayed. On the contrary, I was inspired and proud of my spoils. So inspired, I carried out an ambitious photo shoot of these remarkable winnings. Photography is not my usual medium, but I don’t feel artists need to limit themselves to a few primary mediums.

THE DINOSAURS AND THE RAT

My winnings all together.
You can click on any of the images to view larger versions.
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Dinosaurs and Rat

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